Jukebox Worthy

The summer after 8th grade, I had just moved to Birmingham, Alabama... and everyone was making fun of the way I said "backpack" with the nasal "ack" sound. Eh, who cares.  What do I remember?  Eating delicious hamburgers at the Johnny Rockets.  Maybe that's why I was a little chubbier as an 8th grader.  But what do I remember about Johnny Rockets?  The jukebox centerpiece at every table:

Sure, this "jukebox" is pretty lame compared to what we have now.  I mean, I can basically Google any obscure song with the new computerized machine thingamabobbies, then pay an extra dollar to have my song played first (like the fast pass at Six Flags), and manage to piss off an entire crowd waiting to hear Bon Jovi.  But that's just wrong.  There's a certain etiquette when picking out songs on the jukebox.  That's why I want to find a bar that still has the CD flipper:

  There's no cutting in line with this baby.

So my birthday happens to be coming up, and all I want to do is monopolize a jukebox in a shady bar, while watching the Final Four on TV.  A pool table wouldn't be so bad either, because let's be realistic... I will need a pool stick as my microphone.  But as music obsessed as I am, all I've been thinking about is, "What am I going to pick on the jukebox?!?"  The songs have to be sing-able, fun, not too predictable, not too obscure, true to me, cool, a little edgy, and appropriate for a shady bar.  If I'm shooting pool, can I really pick Kelly Clarkson?  

I'm going to start picking my options right here, right now, in this blog.  For my 28th birthday, I want these songs blasting out of a jukebox while I sing into a pool stick microphone.  I would also prefer an Amstel Light to be in the other hand.  Thank you very much.

1) She Talks To Angels - The Black Crowes

(Note: it's Black CrowEs)

This is when I've got a good buzz going, and I want to wear my rock star sunglasses.  At the minute mark, I'll probably play "air piano" AND "air organ" at the same time.  I'll need someone to play "air guitar" with me.  We'll all belt out "the pain gonna' make everything alriiight!"  Sing-a-long?  Check.  Steady beat, good to sway to.  I think this is a jukebox pleaser.  There's even a great buildup to "She don't know no lover... none that I ever seen!" and then the big musical drop... so emotional.  I can see the guitar solo on the pool stick right now as I "pull those shades down tight."

2) Paper Planes - M.I.A.

Maybe I'm a little bias because I love this song, I love M.I.A., and I have a Paper Planes dance.  I'm ready.  This song never gets old.  I like to think I have swagger.  Not to mention, everyone knows the chorus and everyone's hands go up in unison... so it's a crowd pleaser.  It doesn't matter what crowd.  People don't really care about the lyrics, and half the drunk folk don't know we're talking about murdering people by the end of the song.  Just embrace the gun shots!

3) 25 or 6 to 4 - Chicago

I just want to play "air trumpet" and "air trombone."  Don't you?  

4) Criminal - Fiona Apple

Do you remember how awesome this song is?  Do you remember how awesome this video is?  Alright, maybe the whole bar won't go crazy for this song, but I feel the need to sing the hell out of this.  First of all, it's in my range.  Second of all, it's Fiona.  Third of all, it's probably best that I choose this one instead of a different Fiona Apple song.

5) In The Air Tonight - Phil Collins

Mike Tyson may have ruined the impact of this song.  Yes, the drum solo is epic and we will all go crazy.  We will in fact get it all on camera when we play "air drums" for that split second in our life.  But let's also think about the amazing lyrics.  What?  He's going to let you drown?  And what's with all the echoes?  Reverb times 20 is great for interpretive dance.  I'm not going to lie.  I love Phil Collins and all things Genesis.

This is my abbreviated setlist.  I'm putting $20's in the jukebox on April 2nd.  Let the monopolization begin.  Any suggestions?  

I'll end with my obscure pick.  

6) A Kiss Before I Go - Ryan Adams

And yes, I expect "one shot, one beer and a kiss before I go."  Get on it.  An Amstel Light, a shot of Absolut, and a kiss from, well...

She's A Wild Thing

In 1963, Maurice Sendak wrote and illustrated a children's book entitled "Where The Wild Things Are."  You may be vaguely familiar with this book due to a) your childhood or b) a somewhat popular Spike Jonze movie of the same name that was released in 2009.  My question to you:  where ARE the wild things?  Well, they're everywhere.  Everywhere in music, that is.  Since 2009, I've seen a growing trend of wild things in the indie music scene.  Maybe it's not so much a trend as "Jackie likes to play connect the dots with her favorite musicians."  So, here we go:

In 2009, Patrick Watson released a song strangely titled, "Where The Wild Things Are" on his album Wooden Arms.  When this came out, I was convinced that it was going to appear on the soundtrack for the movie.  I mean, the song was written about the book.  But no.  It was pure coincidence.  I just posted a live performance of this song on my Facebook page because it was brilliantly fun.  However, I'm posting the original here, because I love the percussion's feeling of an animal dragging along in chains.  (Do you hear the shuffle sound on every other downbeat?)  Pitter patter, I think I hear my cat running around.  Oh no, it's just the music.

Along the same time that Patrick Watson released what could be the soundtrack to "Where The Wild Things Are," Karen O released the real soundtrack to "Where The Wild Things Are."  Here's a very tribal, Karen O. take on how to be "wild."  This is the song "Capsize" (and no, this is not an original video).  Apparently, people from the wild like to clap!:

If we're going to have tribal music, I should start playing "connect the musical dots" with Milhaud's La Creation du Monde.  But I won't.

I'm skipping to 2011.

Noah and the Whale... new song, blatantly titled "Wild Thing." 

Has this new trend come from all of the vampire movies?  Have you been in the Borders' Teen Fiction section recently?  Not that I have.  The song makes references to a woman with blood stains and messed up hair.  I'm assuming there's a deeper reference and this isn't a vampire song.. but eh, I don't know.   

And for video of the year:

The Black Keys take the wild thing to an all new level.  Music connection?  Noah and the Whale sang something about howling.  This song is called "Howlin' For You."  And that's how my brain works.  And if this movie really existed, I would go see it.  Let's move on to more "wild" songs...

Here we're headed into the wilderness.  In fact, the lead singer of Dawes is apparently named Wilderness in the song "Wilderness."  Here's a clip of the new supergroup, Middle Brother (featuring the dude from Dawes, the dude from DeerTick, and the dude from Delta Spirit).  

But it's not good to be named Wilderness.  We must come out of this place... Oh no!  Cold War Kids' "Out of the Wilderness" is not on YouTube?  This song is also that new.  I don't know how to stream audio on a blog.  Well, it's about someone walking out of the wilderness, which brings us back to society.  It's like we've made a full circle of beasts and animals coming from the wild, back into humanity.  And for some reason, this circle reminds me of a movie that I didn't even see... but which contained a soundtrack that was apparently influential in the music scene.  Yes, I am talking about Eddie Vedder and "Into the Wild."  Never seen it.  Never listened to it.  But hell, there's a song called "Society" and that makes this blog complete:

(note "Into the Wild" came out in 2007, so really, we went back in time and my circle does not work as we are still in our vampiress/beastly world of music right now... but really, the song "Society" is about running away from society, so let's forget about everything)

Four Shows. One Week. Part Two.

I can't do it.  I can't give a real review about David Garrett, because I don't know if he's real.  All I can say is... my grandmother loves him.  She watches him on PBS (or is it WTTW now?) and she wanted to go.  So, I went.  And oh my, does she have a crush on him.  I just don't get it.  My grandmother is a singer who appreciates classical music - so how does she appreciate such a staged gimmick?  Yes, David Garrett can play the violin very well.  But take a look at this packaged, marketed, production:

Question:  Did they create a "Classical Crossover Chart" just for David Garrett?

Sadly, Orianthi was not at the Chicago Theater.  Neither was the orchestra.  But we did get to see the awesome boots that he was wearing at minute 3:30.

 The video is a little too contrived for me, especially compared to that of the band I am going to see at the Metro next week:

I mean, maybe my grandmother and I just have different tastes in music.  And no, I'm not being all artsy fartsy.  There's no deep meaning behind the Deer Tick video.  It's just as shallow as the David Garrett production.  Maybe those boys were hungry, went to a McDonald's, brought their guitars (and upright bass) outside for a little session, and then a train strategically passed by right at the end of the song as an ending credit.  

And yes, I like classical music.  But I dislike fake classical music.  For example... real classical music:

Shostakovich - Piano Quintet, Op. 57 Mov. III

I chose this example because

1) Shostakovich ROCKS

2) I've played this before and it's just as fun as it looks.... aka a beast to put together.  As the pianist, you're in your own little world.

3) These performers have absolutely crazy hair.  WTF?!?

4) Seriously, watch this and tell me you listen to classical music in the "background."  It's meant to be watched.  This is why you go to the symphony - to see crazy mofos like this perform.

Now, an example of fake classical music:

Ok.  I'm not going to do it.  I'm going to piss off some people if I start posting Andrea Bocelli videos and calling him out.  

Back to David Garrett... I totally get what he's doing.  He's mixing the old with the new.  He's introducing the youth to classical music!  Whew hew!  Like dude, it's totally cool to play the violin.  And Bach, Beethoven, Mozart, all those dead composers, well, their music can still be relevant today:

But here's my problem.  I teach piano to kids, and they actually want real classical music.  Teachers aren't giving it to them because they assume that these students don't want it and they don't ask them.  The minute I introduce it to my students, they're like, "Oh, now that's pretty.  I want to learn that!"  Pretty soon, I've got all my young ones wanting to learn classical music.  We right away assume that the "youth" don't like dead composers.  Well society, you're wrong.  And I've got nothing against electrifying some Shostakovich.  Believe me, I've always wanted to add some rock n' roll to some chamber music, add some jazz chords to Beethoven, spice things up here and there.  Why the hell not?  But David Garrett is banking off of something that he's not.  In concert, he's playing the most basic, fan favorite pieces of all these composers... and you can see that he wants to do something more.  Well guess what?  Half of the audience probably wants more!

So here's my advice to you, David:  

1) Give us the rock symphonies.  Sure.  But then, give us an obscure, crazy ass, Prokofiev violin concerto (well, you know, just one movement).  That will really knock the socks off of us.  Not everyone in the audience is as ignorant as your manager wants you to believe.  

2)  Lower the mics on the drums.  Seriously.  

3)  Tell your bass player to lay off the happy pills.  He was in his own little world.  

4)  Add a woman in your band.  It's 2011.  The whole male posse thing is so Entourage outdated.

5)  Once again, lower the mics on the drum kit.  It's not a Metallica concert.  

I hope you guys have a better understanding of David Garrett and the current marketing of fake classical music.  Probably not.